needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
