Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
