All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
