gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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