I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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