worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
