I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
foreskin is a definite game changer
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize