he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
