Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
