thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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