i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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