The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
