That's intense
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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