I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
a search helicopter?!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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