They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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