I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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