Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
