ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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