Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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