guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
