Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
