I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
