Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
