True but thats because hes a fetus.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
