I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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