my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
