just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
