she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
