There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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