new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
