please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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