I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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