its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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