if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
