there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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