If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
