I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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