I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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