Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
