Someone shit on the floor
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
