if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
