Sponge bath it is.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
