Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im holly from the hills drunk
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
