I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
