i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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