Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm passing your future prison.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
