i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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