hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
