I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He passed out mid-signature
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
