to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
