I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
