Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Randomize