well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
