well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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