My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
