One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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