woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
