My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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