took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just invented taco cereal.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
