someone get that fucking seahorse.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
