YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
tell me about the fingering
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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