that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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