your thong is hanging out like whoa
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
