Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
