How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
high people should be assigned attendants
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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