I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
