:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize