buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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