life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
