if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
