I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
