My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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